My meltdown was epic. I fell to pieces. I lost control of my emotions. And I knew what I needed most was to share my anguish and pained heart with trusted women. I prayed they would give me new perspective wrapped in love and seasoned with hope.
Earlier that day I met with a good friend to catch up on what I thought would be some“sistergirl” time: hang out, laugh about life and share how we were growing in our singleness. In sweet, beautiful giddiness, she shared the unexpected news that a handsome, God-fearing guy recently communicated his interest towards her. He wanted to pursue a relationship. His intentions were very clear.
I smiled with joy for her and expressed my happiness and excitement, but inside it felt like a grenade went off in my heart. She was on the cusp of something I deeply wanted for myself – intentional, affirming pursuit from a good man – but didn’t have. And it felt worse than bad.
Hence, my epic meltdown. As I drove home, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt overwhelmed. I entered my living room, sat on my sofa and let the quiet fill my ears. Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.
Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.
Several replied back, encouraging me:
“I have been praying for you for almost every day for the last 2 weeks…I’m also looking expectantly for that someone in your life…May God speak to you in a special way today – He knows your most intimate thoughts and desires, He has not forgotten.”
“Your friend’s news is so hard to hear Melody…on one hand, you are and want to be excited for her. On the other, it underlines your own longings. I am glad you reached out for prayer.”
“The wait is hard, I remember it well and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but what helped get me through was remembering that I wanted to be married to the right person and not just married and that God’s timing is always better…”
This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.
This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.
A set of words from one of them grabbed my attention in a powerful way:
“It is indeed tough at times. I know you are holding on to what is true and doesn’t always soothe the feelings…You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.”
The words came from my friend Kimberly Moore. We met in 2006 during a work event planning a national conference and would serve together over the next four years. She served as my supervisor and we became good friends through the process. She’s 18 years older than me and she’s become my sister, friend, mentor and confidant over the past decade.
We spoke by phone a couple of days following my text and she challenged me with a new set of words, beckoning me more into womanhood. She wanted me to see myself for the woman I was in that moment and the woman I needed to become.
There were times in my twenties and early thirties where I felt God hid me away from the fast track of dating. I felt sheltered and unseen. I wasn’t dating because I felt God wasn’t giving me good opportunities to date. But Kimberly wanted to call me to action, to a place of no longer tucking myself away either. Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.
Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.
She helped me see that perhaps I was hiding myself from eligible gentleman and didn’t even know it. She challenged me to be inviting, engaging, present and interesting when my path crossed the paths of single men who portrayed qualities I was looking for and wanted to connect with. She invited me to a new place in my adulthood where I needed to own my femininity and express the beauty it contained.
Her challenge of sharpening during my 32nd year laid the groundwork for some exciting, memorable and hilarious adventures into my dating life over the last five years. I’m not hidden anymore. I see myself more fully now and I’m wiser too. I’ve discovered my value doesn’t come from being in a relationship; it comes from knowing I’m significant and incredible before the relationship even appears. I’ve also embraced the gift of single living, loving the freedoms that come with it and stewarding this season well.
You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made…
God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…
May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.
Kimberly’s words gave me life then and continue to do so now. Our sisterhood sharpens and deeply blesses me.
Guest blog post titled “Sisterhood of Sharpening” feature debut in the The Sisterhood Storytelling Series by The Beautiful Project, summer 2016.
You broke my heart with this one. True compassion and genuine hurt. Rejoicing with those who rejoice–and yet weeping because of the pain the presumed unanswered prayers bring. Beautifully written–vulnerable and authentic.