My Eggs & Such

March 5, 2019 | Leave a Comment

Note: This post is from blogging I did February 2016 for another writing space. I’m curating my content from past years and putting my work from different places all together on my blog here. Enjoy the read.

Sister friends are the best. These are women who decorate your life with glittery sass, sharp wit, and frequent “girrrrrrrrrllll, did you hear about…” moments. You laugh with them, you cry with them, you shop with them.

And occasionally you talk about your eggs with them.

Yep, the ones in your ovaries.

A recent lunch with my sister-friend Ashley included one such egg conversation. Ashley is a spunky and hilarious black girl who enjoys her career, loves being married to her college beau, and nurturing their two young boys.

While enjoying our food we talked about life, relationships, and kids. She mentioned a married couple we’re both friends with and wondered if they’d started working on a family.

That question led to some words about our eggs, how they don’t get any younger and how a friend told her, “Everybody ain’t gonna have a testimony like Sarah’s from the Bible…”

Well, she right.

After more conversation about our ovaries, she asked, “Mel, how old are you?”

Photo by Brian Chan on Unsplash.

“36,” I replied as I ate more fried chicken.

“Mel, your eggs ain’t getting any younger either,” she shared, with a raised eyebrow, in her Chattanooga southern girl accent.

“Well, that may be true, but whatever babies the Lord has destined to come from these eggs, He’s already planned them out in eternity past and when He says it’s time they will enter into eternity present,” I responded as I ate even more chicken and dashed on some hot sauce.

“Girl, you right,” Ashley laughed. We finished up lunch. But her words stayed with me and I thought more about my eggs.

In this week of Valentine’s, there’s pressure some single women feel to jump into coupledom and find their happily ever after.

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash.

Especially if you’re in the land of the 30s and people keep asking you when are you going to get married? Or do you want to get married, do you want to have children?

But life is not a Hallmark Channel movie where love and “the perfect man” find you when you want them to. Happily ever afters don’t always materialize. Often you have to trade the happy for the real ever afters.

I believe the real ever afters include surrender. God invites us to willingly enter into the story He’s writing for each of us.

This means laying down our expectations and entitlements.

As I choose to lay these things down, the life I live becomes richer than the life I felt entitled to receive. New developments in my story continue to encourage me.

Trusting God with my eggs and my future sounds pretty funny to say. But it’s true. I’m eager to invite Him into my rollercoaster ride of romance and relationships. His undeniable wisdom guides me well.

Got Me Feeling Emotions

March 1, 2019 | Leave a Comment

The past three weeks brought me more emotions than I anticipated the month of February would deliver. But often, that’s exactly what life is – Unexpected. Unrelenting. Upsetting. Unsure. But it’s also other things too – Good. Healing. Surprising. Sweet.

I found myself over the last 21 days walking with the Lord through some intensely deep and at times heartbreaking moments involving someone who once was a part of my life. What has comforted me most is knowing God saw those 21 days before I even entered them. He saw them. He saw me. He knows me and He knows how I would walk into this experience, first as the incredibly deep thinker I am and then as the uniquely connected feeler I am.

Both parts are special gifts He’s intentionally placed inside me. During the last three weeks though, sometimes I was like “God, being made like this, to be such a deep thinker and deep feeler is making this experience so incredibly hard to walk through. This would hurt less if I wasn’t wired like this.”

nick-owuor-astro-nic-visuals-637481-unsplash

Photo by Nick Owuor (astro.nic.visuals) on Unsplash.

Eh, perspective.

I could imagine from God’s view those very gifts of being uniquely wired as a strategic thinker and highly emotionally intelligent very well helped me navigate the unexpected emotions and realities I had to face in this experience in a healthier way. I took an emotional intelligence test recently and it revealed out of a high-end score of 130 on the EQi scale, I scored a 124. Mercy. I’ve been made to acutely sense, understand, and communicate my emotions and the emotions of others very well, which shapes the way I move in the world. God made me a highly emotionally intelligent being. On purpose.

If I wasn’t wired in these unique ways as a thinker and a feeler, my experience of everything the last three weeks would have been, could have been so much more difficult. But as I reflect on how I navigated through the pain and the surprise, I realize I gave myself what I needed to work through the experience.

I prayed. A LOT. I talked to God about everything. And He listened to my hurt, my anger, my pain, my loss, and my recognition and acceptance that a move toward a finality I had never thought about or wanted would be necessary for me to move forward.

Photo by Mohau Mannathoko on Unsplash.

I walked and I listened to myself move my feelings out of my body as my steps pushed movement into my feet. Movement sometimes helps me connect even deeper to what I’m feeling and I meet a lot of truth after some miles have been made.

I journaled and connected my feelings to my thoughts…which yielded 22 pages of reflection, emotion, and truth that helped me to let go and invited peace into my heart.

I processed with my inner circle and they prayed, listened, and comforted me with the kind of love and steadiness that only comes through authentic relationships.

I cried and I let myself feel what those tears had to say. Some of the saying was hurt. Some was disappointment. And some was the sweet release that’s given when forgiveness is offered in the midst of brokenness.

I rested in the strong foundation of wellness that I’ve built with intention into my life over the last year and three months. A foundation that poured into my health, gave me focus for what I hold high with value, and the purposeful actions that allowed me to love myself so well with self-care. That foundation was readily available for me to lie back on when my thoughts and my feelings were too much for me.

I realize that the gift of love gives us so much. It gives us beauty and unspeakable joy. But it also gives us the risk of being hurt. Because where our love goes also goes our hearts and our feelings and our emotions. Those beautifully invisible things wrapped in all three that are full of incredibly vivid color when we are so happy it feels like our hearts are gonna explode. Happiness emerges that etches itself in the sky blue backdrops of the best days ever, days that you want to last forever that feel like sunshine and embraces and good things you only dreamed about that finally happened and you want that feeling to just last forever because it was just that good.

Those moments are SO GOOD.

But the days that unexpectedly come that are their foils feel so terrible, just as the good felt so wonderful. Sometimes love also means experiencing deep hurt. Opening yourself up to the happy and the joy may include more than just those things.

What I’m finding true for me is that I’m willing to risk for good love. I want to risk well. With wisdom, discernment, hope, and courage.

I consider this truth as I risk: “When has loving anyone ever exempted us from pain and challenges?” I’m learning that love doesn’t bring that hurt and pain. But caring for someone, opening yourself up to vulnerability, being willing to connect relationally to someone beyond yourself – that is where the chance to breathe in heartbreak can come.

And the caring is because we feel and we feel because we’re human. I’m learning to continue to live and lean more strongly into the sweetness of my humanity. For in it I’m seeing so much of who I really am. And I’m deeply loving who I’m discovering, tears, happy, beauty, and so much more.

Featured photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash.

Rachel Dolezal Is NOT A Black Author

February 15, 2019 | 2 Comments

Rachel Dolezal. Two words that can bring a bunch of sighs and serious side-eyes among my African American girlfriends. Rachel Dolezal is a white American woman who identifies racially as a black American woman.

The challenge for many in understanding her “trans-racial” experience is that she didn’t communicate to people that she wasn’t black.

She didn’t tell them she was a white woman who enjoyed and embraced black culture. To the point that she decided to tan and use hair weaves to look African American. She didn’t tell anybody anything. And stepped into roles and positions, speaking on behalf of the black American experience and black issues.

Which is a huge “no-no” in the eyes of the African American community.

We love our allies in the fight for racial equality. We value those who respect our culture and seek to be advocates for change against racism and hate. We embrace those who leverage their power and privilege as the majority to channel equity among the marginalized.

But one thing we don’t do is mesh well with deception in the area of race and culture. And Rachel Dolezal, whether she realized it or not, placed herself at Ground Zero for both.

Last week, a good friend shared that she’d seen Rachel Dolezal’s book “In Full Color” listed as a suggested book to read from “African-Americans: Past & Present” on the Orange County Library System – Florida website.

I was shocked when I heard this.

Actually, I was straight up angry. Especially ’cause I love books and it’s Black History Month and this is a special time to honor the African American experience in our country. Seeing her book in that rotating web banner legit felt wrong to me.

So I did this:

And Orange County Library System did this:

And I did this:

May the Lord be with Rachel Dolezal in her continuing journey toward cultural identification.

And may the love and power of the worldwide Black Delegation forever be with all who honor and celebrate Black History Month. Wakanda FOREVER!

P.S. Consider reading a book this month about something you didn’t know about African Americans.

Photo by Samantha Qeja on Unsplash.

Why Do We Want to Date?

February 12, 2019 | Leave a Comment

Note: This post is from blogging I did November 2015 for another writing space. I’m curating my content from past years and putting my work from different places on my blog here. Enjoy the read.

Why do we want to date? What is dating anyways? Should you date because you’re attracted? Can you date because there’s chemistry and compatibility?

Great questions. Necessary ponderings. Lots of answers pop up fighting to be the right landing places.

Why Do We Date?

I believe we date because we want to be known.

God made us hard-wired for relationships. We want to connect. And as a woman, I can say from personal experience women want to be pursued by men. We want to engage in intentional conversations with men we find attractive, physically and through personality and character.

We want to grow. We desire new experiences with men who will bring life and light into our lives. Ultimately, we all need and want to invest in something greater than us. There’s value in a shared experience with others.

My reasons for dating have changed through my 20’s, and now my 30’s. In my 20’s, I thought dating was a necessary process solely for finding or being found by my husband. It was idyllic. Perfect. Romantic. Beautiful. And often, me-centered. Welcome to the universe of Melody, where all things revolve around Melody, and everything Melody wants Melody gets because we are in the universe of Melody.

How I saw dating evolve in my 20’s was based on my needs, my preferences, and what I defined a great relationship to be. That works if you’re dating yourself. But not when another person enters the equation with his own thoughts, opinions, and desires. And his motivations and time frame in the universe of You, just doesn’t make sense.

What A Mess.

I’ve grown a great deal since then. I’ve been challenged by strong, beautiful, and loving women. They’ve mentored me and spoken truth into my heart. They helped me see my value as a woman, a daughter, and as a beauty who needs to grow beyond what I’m comfortable doing and being seen as. They’ve challenged me to show up in my life and be present in new situations where I’m meeting new guys. To be intentional and authentic.

My 30’s ushered in a new era. No longer was I living in the universe of Melody. I began to live in a place of realness. Looking at a relationship with a godly man as more than just meeting my needs and fulfilling my dreams. I started viewing the opportunity with the weight of wisdom, purpose, and God’s heart. For me and the man I was trusting him for.

I needed to move past selfishness to see that a relationship with a significant other wasn’t going to be about me. It would be about us, and what God desired to do in our lives through that relationship.

Sounds simple enough. But when you haven’t challenged yourself to think that way and own that truth for yourself, it’s a totally different set of words.

Resolving To Be Me

At the start of 2014, I created this resolution that I rolled into 2015, shoot maybe every year for the rest of my life:

To truthfully and authentically be me in all new relationships, writing projects, and career opportunities.

I’m living true to those words. I’m seeing them specifically this spring through the dating adventure I’m journeying through. Those other questions I posed at the start of this post – What is dating anyways? Should you date because you’re attracted? Can you date because there’s chemistry and compatibility? I’ve still got an itch to scratch on them.

Stay tuned.

MLK Reflections

February 5, 2019 | Leave a Comment

Note: I wrote these words January 21, 2019, for a special event at my job January 24, 2019, that honored the life of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. During the event, I spoke these words to 450+ colleagues, sharing ways that I see our organization reflect Dr. King’s dream for change today.

As I walked down a short flight of steps in The National Center for Civil and Human Rights, the lights around me shifted from a crisp fluorescent to a subtle, light glow. It looked like I’d accidentally entered the back end of an exhibit.

Music and voices bellowed softly in the room, full of blown up images from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s life – and his final days.

I stood for a moment.

I wanted to take in what I was hearing and also seeing as I watched others process this experience.

It felt like a very sacred space. These were moments in time that stayed constant in their motion to honor a very special individual.

A man who gave much for the cause of Freedom, Oneness, and Diversity.

Dr. King was 39 years old when he left this earth. His life and legacy speak of the intention that he moved from. Considering his age and all that he accomplished through those 39 years makes me consider my own life.

I’m 39 years old and the more I live, the more I understand how critical it is to live with INTENTION.

Dr. King lived his life this way. Even when it was uncomfortable. Even when it challenged him deeply. And especially when it meant fighting for necessary change over lukewarm complacency.

You see, our choices make us who we are.

And we need those choices coupled with our intention because inward decisions lead to outward actions that have the power to change the world.

Dr. King changed the world because of his decisions and we’re here today to honor his incredible life and legacy.

As I reflect on Cru and how this ministry continues to grow as a community passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ, I see the power of intention at work in several places. One specific one is through The Lenses Institute.

Lenses is an initiative of Cru that exists to help the people of God fight for Oneness by influencing the way Christian leaders see, understand, and act in our ethnically and culturally diverse world.

We hold several institutes around the nation in cities that include Los Angeles, Orlando, New York City, Phoenix, Lexington, Atlanta, and Raleigh.

As a facilitator and cultural consultant with Lenses, I’m honored to witness many in our ministry be changed by this experience.

Thousands have stepped into this five-day intensive that helps people understand cultural awareness and cultural identity. This happens as they examine their own individual journeys and also enter into the experiences of others from different ethnicities.

Awareness and identity in the area of culture powerfully shape who we are as believers in the Church and beyond the church’s four walls.

In those five days through Lenses, I get to witness people in our ministry willingly step into deep waters that include uncomfortable places and even difficult emotions, as conversations around race, power, and the gospel emerge.

These are people like you. People like me. People who lean into this opportunity to grow personally as they discover more of God’s heart for His kingdom.

People who begin to see God’s hand at work in the weaving together of their stories and the gift of their ethnicities to display the gospel brightly in this world.

People who are willing to enter conversations that help them understand the experiences, pains, and joys of their brothers and their sisters.

These conversations develop empathy, which gives birth to compassion that deepens emotional intelligence and relational trust – two gems that can help the road toward Oneness be paved just a little bit more smoothly.

In John 17 verses 17 through 21, Jesus prayed for Oneness for His disciples and for those who would later come to faith as a result of the gospel being spread. He prayed for us:

“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.

And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”

In Oneness as the Body of Christ, we can demonstrate to the world that God the Father sent His only Son.

The unity of the Household of Faith displayed through men and women, from different ethnicities, cultures, generations, economic backgrounds and more has the power to change this world by showing the world such Oneness – in itself – is from God.

And He loves the world so much that He sent Jesus to the world to save it.

Dr. King understood the power of Oneness. It pushed him forward to walk with God in faith and invest his life with intention so that the lives of others would be changed.

Through The Lenses Institute, I see how our ministry reflects Dr. King’s dream for a better world.

A world where people could be respected as the image bearers God created them to be. A world full of promise and brimming with possibilities.

Last night, I read Dr. King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” and this quote by him grabbed a hold of me and wouldn’t let go:

“Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Finding Melodie

"Losing. Grieving. Mourning. Loving. Living."

My Eggs & Such

Got Me Feeling Emotions

Rachel Dolezal Is NOT A Black Author