Being Human – Page 2 – Finding Melodie

October 12, 2016October 12, 2016

Sharpening

My meltdown was epic. I fell to pieces. I lost control of my emotions. And I knew what I needed most was to share my anguish and pained heart with trusted women. I prayed they would give me new perspective wrapped in love and seasoned with hope.

Earlier that day I met with a good friend to catch up on what I thought would be some“sistergirl” time: hang out, laugh about life and share how we were growing in our singleness. In sweet, beautiful giddiness, she shared the unexpected news that a handsome, God-fearing guy recently communicated his interest towards her. He wanted to pursue a relationship. His intentions were very clear.

I smiled with joy for her and expressed my happiness and excitement, but inside it felt like a grenade went off in my heart. She was on the cusp of something I deeply wanted for myself – intentional, affirming pursuit from a good man – but didn’t have. And it felt worse than bad.

Hence, my epic meltdown. As I drove home, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt overwhelmed. I entered my living room, sat on my sofa and let the quiet fill my ears. Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

Several replied back, encouraging me:

“I have been praying for you for almost every day for the last 2 weeks…I’m also looking expectantly for that someone in your life…May God speak to you in a special way today – He knows your most intimate thoughts and desires, He has not forgotten.”

“Your friend’s news is so hard to hear Melody…on one hand, you are and want to be excited for her. On the other, it underlines your own longings. I am glad you reached out for prayer.”

“The wait is hard, I remember it well and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but what helped get me through was remembering that I wanted to be married to the right person and not just married and that God’s timing is always better…”

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

A set of words from one of them grabbed my attention in a powerful way:

“It is indeed tough at times. I know you are holding on to what is true and doesn’t always soothe the feelings…You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.”

The words came from my friend Kimberly Moore. We met in 2006 during a work event planning a national conference and would serve together over the next four years. She served as my supervisor and we became good friends through the process. She’s 18 years older than me and she’s become my sister, friend, mentor and confidant over the past decade.

We spoke by phone a couple of days following my text and she challenged me with a new set of words, beckoning me more into womanhood. She wanted me to see myself for the woman I was in that moment and the woman I needed to become.

There were times in my twenties and early thirties where I felt God hid me away from the fast track of dating. I felt sheltered and unseen. I wasn’t dating because I felt God wasn’t giving me good opportunities to date. But Kimberly wanted to call me to action, to a place of no longer tucking myself away either. Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

She helped me see that perhaps I was hiding myself from eligible gentleman and didn’t even know it. She challenged me to be inviting, engaging, present and interesting when my path crossed the paths of single men who portrayed qualities I was looking for and wanted to connect with. She invited me to a new place in my adulthood where I needed to own my femininity and express the beauty it contained.

Her challenge of sharpening during my 32nd year laid the groundwork for some exciting, memorable and hilarious adventures into my dating life over the last five years. I’m not hidden anymore. I see myself more fully now and I’m wiser too. I’ve discovered my value doesn’t come from being in a relationship; it comes from knowing I’m significant and incredible before the relationship even appears. I’ve also embraced the gift of single living, loving the freedoms that come with it and stewarding this season well.

You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made…

God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…

May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.

Kimberly’s words gave me life then and continue to do so now. Our sisterhood sharpens and deeply blesses me.

Guest blog post titled “Sisterhood of Sharpening” feature debut in the The Sisterhood Storytelling Series by The Beautiful Project, summer 2016.

September 10, 2016September 10, 2016

Changes

I have friends that have families.
I have friends that have babies.
I have friends that have husbands.
I have friends that at times I don’t feel I have much in common with anymore.

Changes…hmm, they are hard to deal with.

I feel sometimes their lives are moving fast, too fast beyond mine.
I want to compare but you know who always loses out when you do that: YOU.
I want to catch up, but that is hard to do without a husband and babies of my own.

I feel left out. And yet, I also feel very comfortable and secure in where my life is right now.

Secure in this chapter of my singleness.
Secure in my freedom.
Secure in my choices.
Secure in my time.
Secure in my space.
Secure in my creativity.
Secure in my spontaneity.
Secure in my responsibilities.
Secure in my peace.
Secure in my hope.
Secure in my passions.
Secure in being secure that when the time is right the next chapter in my life will begin.

But right now, I ain’t in the season some of my friends are in.

And that season is a hard one for them at times.

I see them from a distance.
I see the joy, but also the sacrifice, the smiles, but also the fatigue.
The putting others first before yourself, the tension of capacity versus assignment.
The wearied eyes, and sleepless nights, the nursing, the poo-poo diapers, the home cooked meals, the Mt. Kilimanjaro peaks of laundry piles, the coupon-clipping, the hot dog boiling, the string-cheese buying, the Cheerio snack cups, the family vans, the sippy cups, children’s movies, the intentional discipling of little hearts, the purposeful lovemaking, the availability for the searching and longing arms and hands and bodies of husbands that need you, the search for quiet space to have personal God-moments, sweet devotionals, five minute solitude in a world of busyness and needs and wants and pulls all from you toward others that require your presence and action in their lives.

I realize their season is a calling and it is timely and God knows when one is ready for such a commitment, such a sacrifice, such a role of a lifetime.

I think about the fact that I can’t share in their season of life with a similar season of life in my own world right now. A little twinge of envy rises up on occasion. It feels limiting to to not have a shared experience with them.

But my heart warms when I think of the single sisters I’m blessed to journey with now in this season. A season that can be challenging to navigate but also beautiful to explore. I see the sparkle in our eyes as we sway our hips at concerts and the glitter of our Black Girl Magic dust shines brightly. I see our successes, but also the questions, the freedoms, but also the aches. The wondering if you’ve really got it all together that good, are you the woman you want to be in this decade, this moment, the exasperation of thinking where are the qualified men really at while you keep on deflecting the busters and the not-so-readys. I see our desire to use wisdom and make the best financial decisions as we fly solo, the lip gloss and eye shadow girl nights out, Nine West heels, and way fly pencil skirts, day trips and weekend getaways, cooking our meals, flexing our yoga poses, building our brands, running our miles, getting our dry cleaning, making our art, singing our songs, sewing our dresses, protecting our bodies, owning our time, setting our goals to fully engage in the whoness of us. Single don’t mean lonely. It just means solo.

Changes can be good, even though they are hard.

Solo can be good, even if it feels scary.
That’s what makes the adventure really come alive.

Written by Melody L. Copenny
© April 28, 2011, September 10, 2016

September 9, 2016September 9, 2016

Why Summer Crushes Are Good (And If They Want To Extend Past Fall, Well…)

I have a special affinity for R&B singers and track and field stars. Specifically one named Maxwell and one named Justin.

Maxwell released a new album this summer with a delicious song that’s inspired its very own hashtag on my Instagram in honor of him: #MaxwellIWantALakeByTheOcean.

I been crushing on Maxwell since 1997, when my curious ears laid hold of “Ascension.” I knew this voice and his melodies announced something very special and inspiring had entered what had been a predictable and commercial-driven music industry.

I was so enamored with this man and the new musical chapters he was writing for neo-soul and R&B that when I became a Christian two years later, I let go of his music because it was too much of a competition with my growing faith. I felt like I couldn’t love his music and still focus on God. Which was understandable. 20 year-old humans and our decision making. What a riot.

Time and maturity gave way to a deeper faith walk with God and eventually the wisdom to see I can enjoy music beyond my spiritual journey. Music that’s also deeply connected to my culture and journey as a black woman who loves and lives in the rhythms of soul.

17 years later I’m back in the saddle with my Maxwell crushing escapades. Got to see him live in concert in August when he came to Orlando. SO GOOD was he!!! This man’s voice is just amazing. And it just keeps getting better with time! Like a dang-on good behind wine! And he dances like nobody is watching him. And his suits and swag are some kind of wonderful.

Maxwell was my summer crush. He’s also my fall crush. He’ll likely be my winter, my spring and my next summer crush too.

I think crushes are good. They remind us that our hearts and souls are in good working order. And our eyesight is on point. Because liking what you see physically in someone is awesome.

Another crush popped up this summer. He’s also my fall, winter, and likely will be spring and next summer crush too. He’s one of the best track and field sprinters in US history: Justin Gatlin. Let’s just keep it real and let me be fully transparent: This man is fine. Good have to the mercy, oh my goodness. God knows if the man at the focus of my booship chronicles looked anything like Justin I would be in a mess…of HAPPY!!!

Being that running is one my hobbies, and the summer 2016 Olympics in Rio became a very important addition to my world in August, I like Justin Gatlin. A lot. He’s also inspired an original hashtag: #JustinGatlinCanRunWithMeAnyDay.

When one of my Black Girls Run sisters learned how much I’d begun crushing on him, she happily informed me that he lives right outside Orlando and trains here. My immediate response: “Whaaaaaaattttttttt!!!!!!!!!! We need a #BGRFieldTrip ! C’mon somebody!”

If somebody was willing to encourage my crazy, I would organize this hilarity.

And if I met Justin, I would tell him a few things about Rio:

I’d tell him what really stood out to me was his heart and gracious perspective immediately after the men’s 4×100 relay when he learned of his team’s disqualification and that the US would not be receiving the bronze.

I’d tell him he responded incredibly well in the face of unexpected disappointment.

It was an honorable way to handle loss.

And his perspective teaches others lessons about competition in the moments when you won’t get the medal and accolades. Strength and character really rise when we don’t win but choose to grow from our losses.

Justin’s had a good share of hard moments in his track career. But he keeps showing up to his life and stepping up to his challenges.

Life needs to teach us these things. The hard and the rocky. The good and the beautiful.

So, I’d give him my words.

And I’d also tell him he looks real good in his running shorts.