Finding Me Truth #4 : I Want To Win

The excitement and joy of living in relationship with God is the gift of believing in him.

Being in relationship with him. Trusting him. Hoping in him. Having confidence in him. Knowing that he has made me, he loves me and he has my back no matter what.

If I try to foolishly and feebly control, run and bulldoze over him to run my life I always lose.

I lose the joy of seeing him meet my needs in his timing, in his way.

I lose the joy of sharing those moments of dependence with him.

I lose the excitement in beautifully believing in him.

I lose relationship with him.

I lose.

I don’t want to lose. I want to win. With God.

Finding Me Truth #3: The Beauty of Loss

The beauty of loss is that you don’t go back to who you are but you do become a whole new you.

Loss changed me, it made me much more different than the woman I used to be.

I have an keener ear to the pulse and language of the world now than I did before.

Loss has made me more relaxed in some areas of life, more comfortable with myself; in others I’m still a hot mess and as my girl Bri would say “the struggle is real.”

I know what a deep wound to the soul is. I also know what healing feels like from the heart of God hand fashioned for me.

I understand what joy beyond my sorrow can look like. I’ve lived this and I’m still in it.

Finding Me Truth #2

The questions of pain: They come. There are many. The places they can take us run wildly like an out of control roller coaster while digging deeper than the roots of a 100-year old tree.

If faith enters the conversation, pain now has someone to direct our feelings toward. For me the someone is God and my conversation moves into two worlds:

World #1: Do I say he’s a mean God because for whatever reason he permits though does not inflict upon us suffering and violence along with brokenness and traumas that seem to make our hearts break, our souls ache and cause our minds to shatter?

World #2: Or do I say he’s a gracious Father and a loving Creator who in the midst of all this hell breaking loose also permits and gladly offers us the celebrations, the gift to live and the choice to love, to hold close those we embrace and let go those we’ve lost but will never forget?

What questions do you ask in the midst of pain?