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"Losing. Grieving. Mourning. Loving. Living."

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My Eggs & Such

March 5, 2019 | Leave a Comment

My Eggs & Such

Note: This post is from blogging I did February 2016 for another writing space. I’m curating my content from past years and putting my work from different places all together on my blog here. Enjoy the read.

Sister friends are the best. These are women who decorate your life with glittery sass, sharp wit, and frequent “girrrrrrrrrllll, did you hear about…” moments. You laugh with them, you cry with them, you shop with them.

And occasionally you talk about your eggs with them.

Yep, the ones in your ovaries.

A recent lunch with my sister-friend Ashley included one such egg conversation. Ashley is a spunky and hilarious black girl who enjoys her career, loves being married to her college beau, and nurturing their two young boys.

While enjoying our food we talked about life, relationships, and kids. She mentioned a married couple we’re both friends with and wondered if they’d started working on a family.

That question led to some words about our eggs, how they don’t get any younger and how a friend told her, “Everybody ain’t gonna have a testimony like Sarah’s from the Bible…”

Well, she right.

After more conversation about our ovaries, she asked, “Mel, how old are you?”

brian-chan-12169-unsplash

Photo by Brian Chan on Unsplash.

“36,” I replied as I ate more fried chicken.

“Mel, your eggs ain’t getting any younger either,” she shared, with a raised eyebrow, in her Chattanooga southern girl accent.

“Well, that may be true, but whatever babies the Lord has destined to come from these eggs, He’s already planned them out in eternity past and when He says it’s time they will enter into eternity present,” I responded as I ate even more chicken and dashed on some hot sauce.

“Girl, you right,” Ashley laughed. We finished up lunch. But her words stayed with me and I thought more about my eggs.

In this week of Valentine’s, there’s pressure some single women feel to jump into coupledom and find their happily ever after.

jakob-owens-1329256-unsplash

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash.

Especially if you’re in the land of the 30s and people keep asking you when are you going to get married? Or do you want to get married, do you want to have children?

But life is not a Hallmark Channel movie where love and “the perfect man” find you when you want them to. Happily ever afters don’t always materialize. Often you have to trade the happy for the real ever afters.

I believe the real ever afters include surrender. God invites us to willingly enter into the story He’s writing for each of us.

This means laying down our expectations and entitlements.

As I choose to lay these things down, the life I live becomes richer than the life I felt entitled to receive. New developments in my story continue to encourage me.

Trusting God with my eggs and my future sounds pretty funny to say. But it’s true. I’m eager to invite Him into my rollercoaster ride of romance and relationships. His undeniable wisdom guides me well.

Filed Under: God | Tagged With: discovery, God, growing, laughter

MLK Reflections

February 5, 2019 | Leave a Comment

MLK Reflections

Note: I wrote these words January 21, 2019, for a special event at my job January 24, 2019, that honored the life of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. During the event, I spoke these words to 450+ colleagues, sharing ways that I see our organization reflect Dr. King’s dream for change today. 

As I walked down a short flight of steps in The National Center for Civil and Human Rights, the lights around me shifted from a crisp fluorescent to a subtle, light glow. It looked like I’d accidentally entered the back end of an exhibit.

Music and voices bellowed softly in the room, full of blown up images from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s life – and his final days.

I stood for a moment.

Martin Luther King Jr.

I wanted to take in what I was hearing and also seeing as I watched others process this experience.

It felt like a very sacred space. These were moments in time that stayed constant in their motion to honor a very special individual.

A man who gave much for the cause of Freedom, Oneness, and Diversity.

Dr. King was 39 years old when he left this earth. His life and legacy speak of the intention that he moved from. Considering his age and all that he accomplished through those 39 years makes me consider my own life.

I’m 39 years old and the more I live, the more I understand how critical it is to live with INTENTION.

Dr. King lived his life this way. Even when it was uncomfortable. Even when it challenged him deeply. And especially when it meant fighting for necessary change over lukewarm complacency.

You see, our choices make us who we are.

And we need those choices coupled with our intention because inward decisions lead to outward actions that have the power to change the world.

Dr. King changed the world because of his decisions and we’re here today to honor his incredible life and legacy.

MVIMG_20190124_105333.jpgAs I reflect on Cru and how this ministry continues to grow as a community passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ, I see the power of intention at work in several places. One specific one is through The Lenses Institute.

Lenses is an initiative of Cru that exists to help the people of God fight for Oneness by influencing the way Christian leaders see, understand, and act in our ethnically and culturally diverse world. 

We hold several institutes around the nation in cities that include Los Angeles, Orlando, New York City, Phoenix, Lexington, Atlanta, and Raleigh.

As a facilitator and cultural consultant with Lenses, I’m honored to witness many in our ministry be changed by this experience.

Thousands have stepped into this five-day intensive that helps people understand cultural awareness and cultural identity. This happens as they examine their own individual journeys and also enter into the experiences of others from different ethnicities.

Awareness and identity in the area of culture powerfully shape who we are as believers in the Church and beyond the church’s four walls.

In those five days through Lenses, I get to witness people in our ministry willingly step into deep waters that include uncomfortable places and even difficult emotions, as conversations around race, power, and the gospel emerge.

These are people like you. People like me. People who lean into this opportunity to grow personally as they discover more of God’s heart for His kingdom.

People who begin to see God’s hand at work in the weaving together of their stories and the gift of their ethnicities to display the gospel brightly in this world.

People who are willing to enter conversations that help them understand the experiences, pains, and joys of their brothers and their sisters.

These conversations develop empathy, which gives birth to compassion that deepens emotional intelligence and relational trust – two gems that can help the road toward Oneness be paved just a little bit more smoothly.

In John 17 verses 17 through 21, Jesus prayed for Oneness for His disciples and for those who would later come to faith as a result of the gospel being spread. He prayed for us:

“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.

And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”

In Oneness as the Body of Christ, we can demonstrate to the world that God the Father sent His only Son.

The unity of the Household of Faith displayed through men and women, from different ethnicities, cultures, generations, economic backgrounds and more has the power to change this world by showing the world such Oneness – in itself – is from God.

And He loves the world so much that He sent Jesus to the world to save it.

Dr. King understood the power of Oneness. It pushed him forward to walk with God in faith and invest his life with intention so that the lives of others would be changed.

Through The Lenses Institute, I see how our ministry reflects Dr. King’s dream for a better world.

A world where people could be respected as the image bearers God created them to be. A world full of promise and brimming with possibilities.

Last night, I read Dr. King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” and this quote by him grabbed a hold of me and wouldn’t let go:

“Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Filed Under: History, Those Moments | Tagged With: church, community, God, hope, human, living

We Need Rescue

July 8, 2016 | 2 Comments

We Need Rescue

James. Randy. Brian. Cedric. Jason. Quinton. These are the names of men I love. Men who are my father. My uncle. My cousins who are like brothers. My brother. Men whose blood and love runs through my veins. Men who are my family. Men who are black.

My daddy left this earth 11 years ago. The others have found a way to thrive here.

It’s hard to survive on this earth and it takes just about a pure genius to thrive here.

One day I hope to marry a black man and one day I just may have a black son. I haven’t even met them yet and I worry about the trauma and loss that can come with their blackness when it’s hard to survive on this earth.

The type of trauma and loss the families and friends of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile are walking through like a steel fog that refuses to lift.

It’s hard to survive on this earth. It’s hard to survive on this earth.

And it takes just about a pure genius to thrive here.

I want to believe the sheer weight of humanity means something today in 2016. I want to believe that we can be more intentional to preserve life. I want to believe.

The city of Dallas is rocked this morning by deep grief and inconsolable tragedy. Five police officers are dead and several more injured along with two civilians, ambushed by a shooter who “said he wanted to kill white people – especially white officers,” because he was upset about recent police shootings.

AtlantaMy mother spent nearly 30 years of her life serving as a civilian employee with the City of Atlanta’s Police Department. She assisted heads of police, loved and encouraged the officers and absorbed the losses of those killed in the line of duty as if they were our own family.

Black people, blue uniforms, we all have the common gift of hearts that beat and blood that moves through our bodies. Humanity ties us together.

But the loss of human life in these recent incidents feels insurmountable. Their heartbeats no longer beat and they were valuable. The people they beat inside of were valuable. People made in the image of God, with purpose. People woven into the story He’s written for this world.

Race is the conduit through which much pain and offense channels its way into our lives. This struggle is bigger than race. The very nature of our souls is the conversation topic on this table.

Souls that get blinded and lose heart. Souls that don’t detect and remember another person’s humanity. Souls that need rescue.

We all need rescue. God is the only one who can bring us out of this.

It’s hard to survive on this earth. It’s hard to survive on this earth.

And it takes just about a pure genius to thrive here.

In this difficult time in our nation, I invite you to mourn with those who mourn, with the families and friends left in the wake of these deaths. A heart-wrenching journey the loved ones of Christina Grimmie and the Pulse victims continue to walk through. An agonizing journey the loved ones of Lane Graves are experiencing because he was lost too.

Orlando

Lament with sorrow for the overwhelming loss of life in these shootings. Life is a gift God gives us.

Lament with sorrow for the tension and pain existing between communities of color and law enforcement. Decades of distrust and injustices keep people on the offense on both sides.

Lament with sorrow for the hate and bitterness that led human beings to take the lives of other human beings.

Lament with sorrow that left to our own devices humanity has no hope in this world.

Turn your lament into thanksgiving that God is our hope. He works through the details in disasters to redeem, restore, and heal.

Keep praying.

It’s hard to survive on this earth. It’s hard to survive on this earth.

And it takes just about a pure genius to thrive here.

For my black brothers, I see you. Don’t lose heart even though you have every plausible reason to. I want things to be different for you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be safe. 

For my black sisters, I feel you. We’re scared for the black men and boys in our lives and we’re tired of mourning the ones we lose. There’s a special fortitude in our DNA. Maybe God placed that in us for times such as these. 

For my non-black friends who stay in this heaviness with us as if this grief were your own, thank you. Thank you for really viewing this through lenses that push you beyond your own experience and beckon you to enter the black narratives we’ve been writing about our story for hundreds of years. The narratives that yell in bitterness and sorrow, ” This IS what is happening to us! Do you see US?”

For my non-black friends who don’t understand what’s happening in your news feeds on social media and why many of your black friends are angry, choose to enter into this with us. Choose to be willing to understand. Read the news. And not just the news you know. 

Think about your father, your uncle, your cousins, your brother. Make it personal to you and then you can see why it’s personal to us.

#AltonSterling #PhilandoCastile #DallasPoliceOfficers 

Filed Under: Mourning | Tagged With: community, God, grief, human, loss, mourning, pain, violence

Finding Me Truth # 5: In The Crazy

May 6, 2015 | 2 Comments

Finding Me Truth # 5: In The Crazy

 

If we didn’t experience eventful things, we often wouldn’t be aware of God’s protection and peace in the middle of the crazy, right?

Flat tires happen. I got one on Monday. Pulled over to check the damage and it sounded like a hurricane wanted to blow through the punctured hole. That tire got slayed by something beasty in the road I never saw. I was en route to check out a friend’s for sale bookcase to see if it would be a good fit in my bedroom. Once I finished there, planned to meet up with another friend and cook dinner together.

My annihilated left rear tire changed all of that.

But God is good in the middle of it all.

An auto shop was less than a minute away. I pulled into a parking spot, went inside and met J.P., a friendly mechanic full of jokes and easy to speak with. In the time it took to explain what happened to my tire and walk back outside with him, the tire had sunk flat to the ground.

Mercy.

J.P. got one of his mechanics to put my spare tire on. I made plans to get the damaged tire replaced. Though slightly frazzled, I let J.P. know he made what could have been a really stressful situation for me not stressful at all. I was able to still make my evening engagements and the night ended well.

Life can be hectic. I’ve been traveling almost back to back the last four weeks for my job. First Illinois, then Indiana, followed by Georgia and lastly Pennsylvania. Lots of flying and driving, with an allergy cold thrown in there, two leadership conferences I served with, a staff work conference, visits to college campuses to meet with students leading chapters with my organization, several meetings AND trying to eat well and stay on track with nutrition goals.

It’s been a lot.

But God is good in the middle of it all. 

I made it through the travels, through the airports, through the allergies and I gained the beautiful gift of memories with some amazing people. Plus, an authentic Philly cheesesteak thrown in for good measure. You can’t just be in Philly people and NOT have one. I’m just saying.

What I’m finding to be true: In the crazy it seems like I find a little bit more of me. Sometimes crazy helps us to see who we are in the flurry of activity that surrounds us.

I don’t always like the crazy but it reminds me God is good in the middle of it all. He’s in the midst of my crazy and he’s in the middle of it. Calming fears, giving strength and reminding me he’s near. Sometimes that’s all we really need – that reminder that he’s near, even if we don’t always feel like he is. Our feelings don’t change the truth of his nearness.

Filed Under: Melodie Quotes | Tagged With: God, learning, melodie quotes, truth

My Shepherd Said Goodbye (Pt. 3)

March 7, 2015 | Leave a Comment

My Shepherd Said Goodbye (Pt. 3)

How do you grieve and mourn the losses that don’t seem very tangible? I think I wrestled with this question following the resignation of my former pastor. I knew there was a loss, I knew it was significant but I didn’t know what was the reasonable response to the loss.

Like many in my church family upon hearing the news of the resignation and why he left, my initial response was shock, hurt, pain and questions. Tears flowed quickly during the service where members of our church’s elders team and leadership team explained the situation and their heartfelt pain for our church family.

But they also communicated God’s hand was still upon Discovery Church and that he would help us heal as we walked this journey together. The journey for me included feelings about what had happened and questions that stung:

What do you do when those you respect and love stumble into moral failure?

How does a church move forward in finding a new shepherd?

How do I process my feelings about God in the midst of this?

Grace

As I look back on the spring of 2013 and the months that followed I see the hardship, fears and grief that many in the Discovery family walked through. I also see the faith, healing and grace that blossomed as we allowed ourselves to grieve and mourn that which was lost.

When you allow yourself to grieve you create space to connect to what has hurt you, damaged you, even changed you. When you allow yourself to mourn you give your soul permission to express your grief, you sob through it, you ache because of it, you allow the emotions in you to come out of you. You mourn, you acknowledge, and you vulnerably embrace the pain and loss. When this occurs authentic healing can take place.

The two significant emotions I experienced in the loss of my former shepherd were shock and feeling deceived. I felt shock because this was something I never imagined I could experience in the community I was part of. Not that we were immune. But the news completely blindsided me and the shock was impactful. I also felt deceived. My mind wrestled with the two lives my former shepherd lived – the pastor part of him and the hidden part of him. My heart felt anger and sadness at his actions. These feelings needed to come so that I could grieve them, feel them and acknowledge how I hurt.

Through this loss I learned that God is faithful to us even when we as people are unable to be. Discovery Church would always be his church and his immense love for his people would never change.

There’s a quote by author Sally Lloyd-Jones that reminds me of the great love God has for the people in this world: “…all the stars and the mountains and oceans and galaxies and everything were nothing compared to how much God loved his children. He would move heaven and earth to be near them. Always. Whatever happened, whatever it cost him, he would always love them…with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”

Through this loss I’ve learned that the church is not perfect but in her weaknesses the propensity for God’s strength to be made perfect is priceless. There is no perfection in church as there is no perfection in the world around us. Human brokenness thrives on this planet. None of us are immune to it.

What I see in the church is a gathering of people with their own fractured stories, drawn together because of love for an incredible God and a desire to grow in spiritual community that will change them for the better.

I’m in authentic community right now with a small group of women at Discovery. We’re in our late 20s, 30s and beyond. We love God and we love growing together. We talk about life, we get real, we laugh, and we love to have taco salad fiestas, get froyo together, and hold backwards party socials. We talk about deep things rooted in our hearts, hardships that are stretching us and we trust the Lord together for better days to come.

Smallgroupgiving

These women are helping me heal. They are helping me become more human in my losses and my triumphs. They’ve grieved and mourned with me and now they’re showing me how to live again in the life and joy we share in authentic community.

Do you have community in your life?

Are you known and understood by others who care about you as a person?

If you do how is your community changing your life? If you don’t how can you pursue community in your life? 

Filed Under: Grieving, Living | Tagged With: church, community, God, grief, healing, human

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Welcome to my blog! Thank you for joining me on this journey of Losing, Grieving, Mourning, Loving and Living. To learn more about me, visit my bio page and click here!

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Just when you find that sweet spot in life, that comfortable place, that uncanny familiar, change comes in like a flaming bat out of hell and whirlwinds all your comfortable up. If you’re limited in your thinking you’ll fight it every way you can. But, if you’re ready to grow, you’ll embrace change like a new love and let it lead you to growth you could never dream of but always sensed you desperately needed.

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