Note: This post is from blogging I did November 2015 for another writing space. I’m curating my content from past years and putting my work from different places on my blog here. Enjoy the read.
Why do we want to date? What is dating anyways? Should you date because you’re attracted? Can you date because there’s chemistry and compatibility?
Great questions. Necessary ponderings. Lots of answers pop up fighting to be the right landing places.
Why Do We Date?
I believe we date because we want to be known.
God made us hard-wired for relationships. We want to connect. And as a woman, I can say from personal experience women want to be pursued by men. We want to engage in intentional conversations with men we find attractive, physically and through personality and character.
We want to grow. We desire new experiences with men who will bring life and light into our lives. Ultimately, we all need and want to invest in something greater than us. There’s value in a shared experience with others.
My reasons for dating have changed through my 20’s, and now my 30’s. In my 20’s, I thought dating was a necessary process solely for finding or being found by my husband. It was idyllic. Perfect. Romantic. Beautiful. And often, me-centered. Welcome to the universe of Melody, where all things revolve around Melody, and everything Melody wants Melody gets because we are in the universe of Melody.
How I saw dating evolve in my 20’s was based on my needs, my preferences, and what I defined a great relationship to be. That works if you’re dating yourself. But not when another person enters the equation with his own thoughts, opinions, and desires. And his motivations and time frame in the universe of You, just doesn’t make sense.
What A Mess.
I’ve grown a great deal since then. I’ve been challenged by strong, beautiful, and loving women. They’ve mentored me and spoken truth into my heart. They helped me see my value as a woman, a daughter, and as a beauty who needs to grow beyond what I’m comfortable doing and being seen as. They’ve challenged me to show up in my life and be present in new situations where I’m meeting new guys. To be intentional and authentic.
My 30’s ushered in a new era. No longer was I living in the universe of Melody. I began to live in a place of realness. Looking at a relationship with a godly man as more than just meeting my needs and fulfilling my dreams. I started viewing the opportunity with the weight of wisdom, purpose, and God’s heart. For me and the man I was trusting him for.
I needed to move past selfishness to see that a relationship with a significant other wasn’t going to be about me. It would be about us, and what God desired to do in our lives through that relationship.
Sounds simple enough. But when you haven’t challenged yourself to think that way and own that truth for yourself, it’s a totally different set of words.
Resolving To Be Me
At the start of 2014, I created this resolution that I rolled into 2015, shoot maybe every year for the rest of my life:
To truthfully and authentically be me in all new relationships, writing projects, and career opportunities.
I’m living true to those words. I’m seeing them specifically this spring through the dating adventure I’m journeying through. Those other questions I posed at the start of this post – What is dating anyways? Should you date because you’re attracted? Can you date because there’s chemistry and compatibility? I’ve still got an itch to scratch on them.