Sharpening 

My meltdown was epic. I fell to pieces. I lost control of my emotions. And I knew what I needed most was to share my anguish and pained heart with trusted women. I prayed they would give me new perspective wrapped in love and seasoned with hope.

Earlier that day I met with a good friend to catch up on what I thought would be some“sistergirl” time:  hang out, laugh about life and share how we were growing in our singleness. In sweet, beautiful giddiness, she shared the unexpected news that a handsome, God-fearing guy recently communicated his interest towards her. He wanted to pursue a relationship. His intentions were very clear.

I smiled with joy for her and expressed my happiness and excitement, but inside it felt like a grenade went off in my heart. She was on the cusp of something I deeply wanted for myself – intentional, affirming pursuit from a good man – but didn’t have. And it felt worse than bad.

Hence, my epic meltdown. As I drove home, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt overwhelmed. I entered my living room, sat on my sofa and let the quiet fill my ears. Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

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Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

Several replied back, encouraging me:

“I have been praying for you for almost every day for the last 2 weeks…I’m also looking expectantly for that someone in your life…May God speak to you in a special way today – He knows your most intimate thoughts and desires, He has not forgotten.”

“Your friend’s news is so hard to hear Melody…on one hand, you are and want to be excited for her. On the other, it underlines your own longings. I am glad you reached out for prayer.”

“The wait is hard, I remember it well and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but what helped get me through was remembering that I wanted to be married to the right person and not just married and that God’s timing is always better…”

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

A set of words from one of them grabbed my attention in a powerful way:

“It is indeed tough at times. I know you are holding on to what is true and doesn’t always soothe the feelings…You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.”

The words came from my friend Kimberly Moore. We met in 2006 during a work event planning a national conference and would serve together over the next four years. She served as my supervisor and we became good friends through the process. She’s 18 years older than me and she’s become my sister, friend, mentor and confidant over the past decade.

We spoke by phone a couple of days following my text and she challenged me with a new set of words, beckoning me more into womanhood. She wanted me to see myself for the woman I was in that moment and the woman I needed to become.

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There were times in my twenties and early thirties where I felt God hid me away from the fast track of dating. I felt sheltered and unseen. I wasn’t dating because I felt God wasn’t giving me good opportunities to date. But Kimberly wanted to call me to action, to a place of no longer tucking myself away either. Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

She helped me see that perhaps I was hiding myself from eligible gentleman and didn’t even know it. She challenged me to be inviting, engaging, present and interesting when my path crossed the paths of single men who portrayed qualities I was looking for and wanted to connect with. She invited me to a new place in my adulthood where I needed to own my femininity and express the beauty it contained.

Her challenge of sharpening during my 32nd year laid the groundwork for some exciting, memorable and hilarious adventures into my dating life over the last five years. I’m not hidden anymore. I see myself more fully now and I’m wiser too. I’ve discovered my value doesn’t come from being in a relationship; it comes from knowing I’m significant and incredible before the relationship even appears. I’ve also embraced the gift of single living, loving the freedoms that come with it and stewarding this season well.

You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made…

God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…

May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.

Kimberly’s words gave me life then and continue to do so now. Our sisterhood sharpens and deeply blesses me.

Guest blog post titled “Sisterhood of Sharpening” feature debut in the The Sisterhood Storytelling Series by The Beautiful Project, summer 2016. 

Lying is Easy, Truth is Not

Writing is an opportunity for me to tell the truth.

Oftentimes it’s my truth I’m telling.

Sometimes I don’t realize this until I’m 200 words in deep.

Many times it’s God’s truth I’m inspired to tell, in repackaged ways but always authentically.

Lying is easy. Tell me who you want me to believe you are or what you imagine stuff to be.

Truth is not. Show me who you really are and be willing to stand in that with honesty wrapped around your waist.

Truth. It’s what we need. It’s custom built to set us free.

So, everytime I write I say to myself, “It’s time to tell the truth. What do I need to tell the truth about today?”

What regularly occurs in your life that causes you to ask the same self-reflecting question? What’s your answer?

Originally written February 22, 2016.

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Embrace It

Just when you find that sweet spot in life, that comfortable place, that uncanny familiar, change comes in like a flaming bat out of hell and whirlwinds all your comfortable up. If you’re limited in your thinking you’ll fight it every way you can. But, if you’re ready to grow, you’ll embrace change like a new love and let it lead you to growth you could never dream of but always sensed you desperately needed.

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Finding Me Truth #4 : I Want To Win

The excitement and joy of living in relationship with God is the gift of believing in him.

Being in relationship with him. Trusting him. Hoping in him. Having confidence in him. Knowing that he has made me, he loves me and he has my back no matter what.

If I try to foolishly and feebly control, run and bulldoze over him to run my life I always lose.

I lose the joy of seeing him meet my needs in his timing, in his way.

I lose the joy of sharing those moments of dependence with him.

I lose the excitement in beautifully believing in him.

I lose relationship with him.

I lose.

I don’t want to lose. I want to win. With God.

Self Realization

There are moments when you look at your body in the mirror and you say:

Hey, I look different.

It’s a moment when your head self connects with your eye self and everything changes. Something happens inside your soul and you recognize:

This is who I am and I am grateful for the me I am.

I am grateful for the me I am becoming.

I am grateful for the me I used to be, because she taught me things I needed to know, I needed to learn so I could grow

Two weeks ago such a moment happened to me. Got dressed for work and decided to put on a new top and some basic black capris pants and get things moving. Clothes fit great. My natural hair was on fleek. I felt really good. I happened to glance in the mirror as I tied my shirt and I saw someone I knew and thought was really beautiful: Me.

 

I knew in my gut this was a moment to capture in a photo because I needed to see myself the way I truly was, not how I thought I was or who I thought I looked like in my mind. I’m engaged in a fitness and health journey that’s now six years in the making and over that time I’ve seen my body change, get stronger, and get leaner. But sometimes I still see the girl who was very much overweight and unhealthy. Photos gently remind me that girl isn’t here anymore.

I pulled out my phone, snapped a shot and did what all social media enthusiasts do: I posted it on my Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts. Stellar social media woman I am.

In life we have the gift of living as our true authentic and beautiful selves. Living means we show up to our lives and we commit to being in them all the way.

Being true means we see the beauty in us and the deficits. We choose to grow and pursue healing and freedom so we can get the most mileage out of these bodies, these gifts and these snazzy personalities that have intentionally been placed in us.

Being authentic means we don’t hide. We don’t hide from who we are. We don’t hide from who we used to be. We choose to be real over being fake and we choose to live instead of almost living. We invite people into the gift of who we are authentically, intentionally and honestly so that incredible friendships and relationships can blossom out of us.

Being beautiful means we see ourselves for ourselves. Who we are right now, this minute, right here. Beauty isn’t perfection or the lack a little jiggle here and there. Beauty starts in the innermost, deepest parts of who we are and infiltrates out through our eyes, smiles, laughter, voices, personalities and so much more until the inner weaves itself indelibly to the outer.

The world often says the outer parts of people are beautiful. I believe that outer starts with the inner. That’s where the true roots for beauty lie, in the soul.

How do you see yourself?

How do you feel about living authentically?

What’s in your soul? Does beauty have a home there?