Tag: growing

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25 Hours, 3 Countries

I’ve been escapading around the world, Asia via The Philippines to be exact, and it was a prolific and deeply impactful experience for me. My trip began May 1st and here’s a little bit of what my eyes, ears, and heart took in when I traveled back to the U.S. from Manila to Tokyo, to Atlanta and then finally to Orlando on May 11th:

I’m standing near mirrors after washing my hands in one of the Tokyo airport restrooms. A little Asian girl with pigtails, probably about 4 years old is walking out with her mom. They stop as mom washes and dries her hands. I notice the little one peeking around her mom, at me.

I look at her and smile.

She smiles back sweetly with that precocious innocence that kids have that you want to keep safe forever and waves at me as she exits the restroom with her mama.

That made my heart smile. A great deal.

10 or so minutes later, I walk around the peaceful and sunlit terminal to stretch my legs a bit. I see the little one with her family, resting and waiting for their flight. She sees me and waves again. I wave back.

And we didn’t even say one word to each other…but kindness is recognized beyond languages.

…..

Arrived in Atlanta this afternoon a little after 3:30 pm.

I leave for Orlando at 6:55 pm.

While in the international terminal at the ATL airport, I was washing my hands in a restroom and heard a beautiful African melody in a language I did not know floating through the air. It seemed to be the same line sung over and over with a sweet, steady affection.

It reminded me of the song the tribes of Wakanda were singing during the waterfall ceremony when T’Challa became king in the movie Black Panther.

A moment later, one of the airport employees came out of a stall and began cleaning around the counter. She was the hidden singer. She was an older black woman, a little under 5 feet and seemed very content.

I began brushing my teeth and kept listening to her song.

I finished a minute or so later, smiled at her and asked, “What is the song that you are singing?”

She stopped, a little surprised, smiled and asked me if I was Nigerian. Her English was touched gently with an African dialect.

I said I was American and she said the song was about Hannah, the woman in the Bible who prayed to God for a child and God blessed her with a child.

She kept affirming, “Hannah prayed…God answered…Hannah prayed…God answered.” 

I listened to her words and I heard her. I heard her. There was truth in those melodies. And God was in those melodies too.

I smiled at her, thanked her and said, “God bless you sister” as I headed out of the restroom.

That melody is still touching my heart.

…..

I’m sitting at my gate, ready to board my last flight in this 25-hour travel journey through three countries and four airports. Orlando…home…is just an hour and a half flight away. Sunlight beams into the large floor to ceiling windows behind me. The ATL airport is a little calm and chill where I am from the typical noisy and action-filled movement that flows through terminals.

I’m fidgeting around with something – maybe cleaning my glasses or organizing a personal bag – when a woman next to me gets my attention. She begins speaking in Spanish and pointing to her phone.

I can see that she’s trying to access the internet but it’s not connecting. She’s speaking in Spanish and I’m speaking in English. Then I say in some pretty simple beginner’s  Spanish that I can’t speak Spanish but then an idea comes to me. I remember Google Translate and how I used it often a season ago to connect with special messages someone in my life would send to me.

I pulled it up, put in a line that shared maybe she should try connecting to the free airport WiFi again and selected Spanish to translate it. I handed my phone to her and she immediately understood. She typed back in Spanish and selected English for me to read her reply. She was from Colombia.

That began a few minutes of Google Translate conversations…she writing and me reading, me writing and she reading. I landed on the idea that maybe even though the WiFi in the airport was free, she wouldn’t be able to connect because she didn’t have a U.S. phone number.

That happened to me often in The Philippines. There was free WiFi many places, but when asked to type in my phone number, I couldn’t because my number wasn’t from the country. Interesting, eh?

She understood my idea. I encouraged her to try again on the plane…maybe it would work there?

…..

More than a day of travel and the gift of three international experiences in my international travel home. From a sweet little Asian girl to a truth-singing Nigerian sister and a kind Colombian woman, I got to experience a little bit more of the world along with Manila.

Balay Dako means “Big House” in Negrense, one of the languages spoken in The Philippines. During my last day, I enjoyed desserts with friends at this restaurant named Balay Dako. It’s perched above an incredibly huge lake that has a volcano inside of it.
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Much Has Happened in My World This Year

I can’t believe December 2017 is already here. This year went by faster than I could have realized. Much has happened in my world.

It was my first year in my role as a full-time writer. Tremendous career successes and opportunities took place.

Beautiful moments arrived in my personal life. Experiencing new love and a new relationship and the adventure that comes in opening your life up to someone.

This purple bookbag was my constant companion as I traveled around the country this year.

Seeing a lot of America via work and personal travel. Atlanta. Detroit. Phoenix. Raleigh. Charleston. Richmond. Washington D.C. Crescent City. St. Augustine. Dallas/Ft. Worth. St. Petersburg. Denver. Ft. Collins. Dallas/Ft. Worth. Atlanta. Cleveland. Kent. Digging into writing assignments. Family visits. Weddings. Celebrating a close friend’s birthday. Seeing sister friends. Writing conferences with the Poynter Institute for Media Studies. Conferences for my job.

Dealing with health challenges that I hoped were resolved but now are being revisited, entering a new journey to find sustainable healing.

Looking for more of myself in my spiritual life, seeing where I’ve loved the Lord but have missed special times with Him this year in His Word and in His presence through prayer, almost was on the verge of losing Him as my first love.

Surviving what could have a been a catastrophic natural disaster if Hurricane Irma would have kept her category 5 status as she hurled towards the Florida panhandle. That affected me, the stress of it all stuck to me. My heart and thoughts continue to be with those who experienced her full wrath and that of Hurricane Maria and continue to recover from the damage.

Figuring out my future and places I want to plant my feet by way of community and my spiritual growth. Wrestling with the tension of time sown in places and knowing when it’s time to move to new spaces that resonate more deeply with my heart and who God’s calling me to be.

Learning how deeply important time to myself as a socially extroverted introvert who gets her energy alone really is. Much of this year I’ve been in moments where I’ve had to give more of myself and be present more than I had adequate time to recharge. And it affected me. And I didn’t always show up as my best self because my energy reserves were depleted.

Much has happened in my world this year.

And God continues to be faithful.

He calls me to Himself, seeing my deep need for rest. 11 out of the last 12 months, I’ve either traveled someplace in the country or been engaged in a conference for my job here in Orlando.

God continues to tell me, “Mel, I want to give you rest.“

Have you ever considered what it means to enter the rest of God? To truly, deeply, fully let the One who made you give you what you need, when you need it, exactly the way you need it, to restore your soul and bring peace to your body?

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

Rest is what God and I are focusing on now and will continue to focus on as the new year approaches.

I’m tired. So tired I haven’t written solely for myself since September. I haven’t written in this space here on my blog that I love and enjoy showing up in. I’ve been in places this year where I’ve been exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And that exhaustion happened while I was doing good things, good work, digging in and being fruitful and seeking to thrive.

But I’m learning that like money and time, I, as a human being, am not an unlimited resource.

I’m learning I must choose how I engage in the world and how I show up in the places I’m called to. And what it will mean when I say “yes” and what will be required of me, by way of energy, intention, and presence. Whether that’s coffee with a friend, scheduling a medical appointment, getting ready for my next writing project or choosing to take a moment for self-care. And to use wisdom, time and perspective to help me as I make those decisions.

And the Lord continues to tell me, “Mel, I want to give you rest.” I’m letting Him do that. And choosing to enter into His rest.

I don’t know what your year has felt like or what the upcoming year of 2018 will bring you. But I want to encourage you to rest. To find your center not in the doing and in the busy, but in being and moving externally into the world around you from a foundation of rest. In the moments where life is calm and in the moments where it is chaotic, that foundation of rest in God will ground you.

Maybe it’s too hard for us as humans to admit we have limitations. But we do. They exist, they always have and we can’t shake them off.

I want to live with my limitations in mind so that I can live this life with an intention that is authentic, wise and deliberate.

And my best living comes from resting.

So, that’s what I’m gon’ do.

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Words and Musings: Woman Narratives

I’ve been thinking about the lives we live and the ones we want. I’ve been thinking about the lives we have and the ones people tell us we need. I’ve been thinking about womanhood and wifehood and motherhood and careerhood and singlehood and where I am and who do I want to continue to be.

I think sometimes we believe this narrative about being women that goes like this: “When I get married and I have children, I’ll be a real woman. I’ll be complete. I’ll be living my very best life.”

I think that narrative is a deficient and a defective one. And here’s why: Life never comes in a complete, perfectly wrapped box with matching bow.

It never comes that way. EVER.

Things don’t move in a linear direction. Hiccups come. Road blocks surface.

Speed bumps slow you down. New paths open up that you didn’t even expect you’d be walking upon. Incredible opportunities arise that you couldn’t have created for yourself if you tried.

I just think we’ve got to free ourselves up from these narratives that say “this life is the better life, it’s the one you gotta have and until you do, you won’t really, truly, deeply be as happy and fulfilled as you could be.”

Instead, we need the narratives, as women, that say “THAT life is a good one, and THIS life is a good one too.”

My life and my woman-ness as a single is still LIFE. It’s still LIVING. Woman-ness as a married is still LIFE. It’s still LIVING. Woman-ness as a married and as a mother is still LIFE. It’s still LIVING. The latter two are not a better life or the very best possible life, they are just a DIFFERENT LIFE.

We need to shift the narrative from DIFFERENT = BETTER, and DIFFERENT = the PRIZE that you must pursue.

Perhaps, in this season of singleness what I’m learning is a gift, in and of itself: finding more of me, discovering what makes my heart beat, and growing more and more into the “whoness” that uniquely makes me the woman I’m continuing to become.

Women have got to learn how to free each other up in these narratives.

Lord willing, when marriage comes knocking at my door at the right time, I will answer and I will, by God’s grace, be ready for that very big adventure.

But you know what else I’m gonna do? I’m gonna speak into the hearts and souls of single women in my life and within my influence and I’m gonna tell them to keep pursuing the life that they have. Keep thriving, keep flourishing, keep growing in the beauty that you are. 

This life, right now, is your very best life.

Believe this.

Anything that will happen to you next is an EXPANSION on the very best life that you’re already living. Expansion. Not Completion. Expansion. Live out that expansion from the wholeness you already live from. There is depth and beauty and goodness and richness already at home in your soul.

Marriage doesn’t make your life a very best life. Motherhood doesn’t make your life a very best life. If it did, what would we say to the woman who never gets married? The woman who lost her new husband six months into their marriage? The widow burying the love her life after 50 years of partnership? What would we say to the woman who wants to get pregnant but cannot carry children in her womb? The mother who lost three babies in miscarriage? The mother who has adult children but is estranged from them?

What would say to them?

What would we say?

I hope we would say your life is beautiful and its very best because YOU are in it. You are using the gift of this life from God by living it every day. Your living makes this life its very best life.

If you need these words, let them cover you and remind you of what’s true. Selah.

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Finding Me Truth #10: The Unexpected

Growing, learning, grieving

Amazing how years after a loss, the grief can still be so debilitating & quite unexpected.

Reflecting and grateful for the pain.

It means I have loved.

“Grief is love’s souvenir. It’s our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price.” ― Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior: A Memoir

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Sharpening 

My meltdown was epic. I fell to pieces. I lost control of my emotions. And I knew what I needed most was to share my anguish and pained heart with trusted women. I prayed they would give me new perspective wrapped in love and seasoned with hope.

Earlier that day I met with a good friend to catch up on what I thought would be some“sistergirl” time:  hang out, laugh about life and share how we were growing in our singleness. In sweet, beautiful giddiness, she shared the unexpected news that a handsome, God-fearing guy recently communicated his interest towards her. He wanted to pursue a relationship. His intentions were very clear.

I smiled with joy for her and expressed my happiness and excitement, but inside it felt like a grenade went off in my heart. She was on the cusp of something I deeply wanted for myself – intentional, affirming pursuit from a good man – but didn’t have. And it felt worse than bad.

Hence, my epic meltdown. As I drove home, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt overwhelmed. I entered my living room, sat on my sofa and let the quiet fill my ears. Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

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Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

Several replied back, encouraging me:

“I have been praying for you for almost every day for the last 2 weeks…I’m also looking expectantly for that someone in your life…May God speak to you in a special way today – He knows your most intimate thoughts and desires, He has not forgotten.”

“Your friend’s news is so hard to hear Melody…on one hand, you are and want to be excited for her. On the other, it underlines your own longings. I am glad you reached out for prayer.”

“The wait is hard, I remember it well and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but what helped get me through was remembering that I wanted to be married to the right person and not just married and that God’s timing is always better…”

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

A set of words from one of them grabbed my attention in a powerful way:

“It is indeed tough at times. I know you are holding on to what is true and doesn’t always soothe the feelings…You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.”

The words came from my friend Kimberly Moore. We met in 2006 during a work event planning a national conference and would serve together over the next four years. She served as my supervisor and we became good friends through the process. She’s 18 years older than me and she’s become my sister, friend, mentor and confidant over the past decade.

We spoke by phone a couple of days following my text and she challenged me with a new set of words, beckoning me more into womanhood. She wanted me to see myself for the woman I was in that moment and the woman I needed to become.

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There were times in my twenties and early thirties where I felt God hid me away from the fast track of dating. I felt sheltered and unseen. I wasn’t dating because I felt God wasn’t giving me good opportunities to date. But Kimberly wanted to call me to action, to a place of no longer tucking myself away either. Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

She helped me see that perhaps I was hiding myself from eligible gentleman and didn’t even know it. She challenged me to be inviting, engaging, present and interesting when my path crossed the paths of single men who portrayed qualities I was looking for and wanted to connect with. She invited me to a new place in my adulthood where I needed to own my femininity and express the beauty it contained.

Her challenge of sharpening during my 32nd year laid the groundwork for some exciting, memorable and hilarious adventures into my dating life over the last five years. I’m not hidden anymore. I see myself more fully now and I’m wiser too. I’ve discovered my value doesn’t come from being in a relationship; it comes from knowing I’m significant and incredible before the relationship even appears. I’ve also embraced the gift of single living, loving the freedoms that come with it and stewarding this season well.

You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made…

God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…

May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.

Kimberly’s words gave me life then and continue to do so now. Our sisterhood sharpens and deeply blesses me.

Guest blog post titled “Sisterhood of Sharpening” feature debut in the The Sisterhood Storytelling Series by The Beautiful Project, summer 2016.