Tag: living

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Much Has Happened in My World This Year

I can’t believe December 2017 is already here. This year went by faster than I could have realized. Much has happened in my world.

It was my first year in my role as a full-time writer. Tremendous career successes and opportunities took place.

Beautiful moments arrived in my personal life. Experiencing new love and a new relationship and the adventure that comes in opening your life up to someone.

This purple bookbag was my constant companion as I traveled around the country this year.

Seeing a lot of America via work and personal travel. Atlanta. Detroit. Phoenix. Raleigh. Charleston. Richmond. Washington D.C. Crescent City. St. Augustine. Dallas/Ft. Worth. St. Petersburg. Denver. Ft. Collins. Dallas/Ft. Worth. Atlanta. Cleveland. Kent. Digging into writing assignments. Family visits. Weddings. Celebrating a close friend’s birthday. Seeing sister friends. Writing conferences with the Poynter Institute for Media Studies. Conferences for my job.

Dealing with health challenges that I hoped were resolved but now are being revisited, entering a new journey to find sustainable healing.

Looking for more of myself in my spiritual life, seeing where I’ve loved the Lord but have missed special times with Him this year in His Word and in His presence through prayer, almost was on the verge of losing Him as my first love.

Surviving what could have a been a catastrophic natural disaster if Hurricane Irma would have kept her category 5 status as she hurled towards the Florida panhandle. That affected me, the stress of it all stuck to me. My heart and thoughts continue to be with those who experienced her full wrath and that of Hurricane Maria and continue to recover from the damage.

Figuring out my future and places I want to plant my feet by way of community and my spiritual growth. Wrestling with the tension of time sown in places and knowing when it’s time to move to new spaces that resonate more deeply with my heart and who God’s calling me to be.

Learning how deeply important time to myself as a socially extroverted introvert who gets her energy alone really is. Much of this year I’ve been in moments where I’ve had to give more of myself and be present more than I had adequate time to recharge. And it affected me. And I didn’t always show up as my best self because my energy reserves were depleted.

Much has happened in my world this year.

And God continues to be faithful.

He calls me to Himself, seeing my deep need for rest. 11 out of the last 12 months, I’ve either traveled someplace in the country or been engaged in a conference for my job here in Orlando.

God continues to tell me, “Mel, I want to give you rest.“

Have you ever considered what it means to enter the rest of God? To truly, deeply, fully let the One who made you give you what you need, when you need it, exactly the way you need it, to restore your soul and bring peace to your body?

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

Rest is what God and I are focusing on now and will continue to focus on as the new year approaches.

I’m tired. So tired I haven’t written solely for myself since September. I haven’t written in this space here on my blog that I love and enjoy showing up in. I’ve been in places this year where I’ve been exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And that exhaustion happened while I was doing good things, good work, digging in and being fruitful and seeking to thrive.

But I’m learning that like money and time, I, as a human being, am not an unlimited resource.

I’m learning I must choose how I engage in the world and how I show up in the places I’m called to. And what it will mean when I say “yes” and what will be required of me, by way of energy, intention, and presence. Whether that’s coffee with a friend, scheduling a medical appointment, getting ready for my next writing project or choosing to take a moment for self-care. And to use wisdom, time and perspective to help me as I make those decisions.

And the Lord continues to tell me, “Mel, I want to give you rest.” I’m letting Him do that. And choosing to enter into His rest.

I don’t know what your year has felt like or what the upcoming year of 2018 will bring you. But I want to encourage you to rest. To find your center not in the doing and in the busy, but in being and moving externally into the world around you from a foundation of rest. In the moments where life is calm and in the moments where it is chaotic, that foundation of rest in God will ground you.

Maybe it’s too hard for us as humans to admit we have limitations. But we do. They exist, they always have and we can’t shake them off.

I want to live with my limitations in mind so that I can live this life with an intention that is authentic, wise and deliberate.

And my best living comes from resting.

So, that’s what I’m gon’ do.

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Finding Me Truth #10: The Unexpected

Growing, learning, grieving

Amazing how years after a loss, the grief can still be so debilitating & quite unexpected.

Reflecting and grateful for the pain.

It means I have loved.

“Grief is love’s souvenir. It’s our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price.” ― Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior: A Memoir

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My Mama Taught Me to Kick Butt & Take Names

“I don’t think it ever occurred to me before how much and how often women are praised for displaying traits that basically render them invisible. When I really think about it, I realize the culprit is the language generally used to praise women. Especially mothers.

She sacrificed everything for her children…She never thought about herself…She gave up everything for us…She worked tirelessly to make sure we had what we needed. She stood in the shadows, she was the wind beneath our wings. 

Greeting card companies are built on that idea.

Tell her how much all the little things she does all year long that seem to go unnoticed really mean to you.

With a $2.59 card.

Mother’s Day is built on that idea.

This is good, we’re told. It’s good how Mom diminishes and martyrs herself. The message is: mothers, you are such wonderful and good people because you make yourselves smaller, because you deny your own needs, because you toil tirelessly in the shadows and no one ever thanks or notices you…this all makes you AMAZING.

Yuck.

What the hell kind of message is that?

Would ANYONE praise a man for this?

Those are not behaviors anyone would hope to instill in their daughters, right?

Right?

I’m not saying MOTHERHOOD shouldn’t be praised. Motherhood should be praised. Motherhood is wonderful. I’m doing it. I think it’s great.

There are all kinds of ways and reasons that mothers can and should be praised. But for cultivating a sense of invisibility, martyrdom and tirelessly working unnoticed and unsung? Those are not reasons.

There are all kinds of ways and reasons that mothers can and should be praised. But for cultivating a sense of invisibility, martyrdom and tirelessly working unnoticed and unsung? Those are not reasons.

Praising women for standing in the shadows?

Wrong.

Where is the greeting card that praises the kinds of mothers I know? Or better yet, the kind of mother I was raised by?

I need a card that says: Happy Mother’s Day to the mom who taught me to be strong, to be powerful, to be independent, to be competitive, to be fiercely myself and fight for what I want.

Or Happy Birthday to a mother who taught me to argue when necessary, to raise my voice for my beliefs, to not back down when I know I am right.

Or, Mom, thanks for teach me to kick a** and take names at work. Get well soon.

Or simply Thank you Mom, for teaching me how to make money and feel good about doing it. Merry Christmas.

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Where are the greeting cards for the kind of mother I try to be? For the kind of mother I need my kids to see? For the kind of mother I want my daughters to one day be?

And if there is no greeting card, what is there?

There is me.

I have to be my own greeting card. And to do that, I have to at least be able to take a compliment.” – Shonda Rhimes, “Year of Yes.”

I would like to take this beautiful moment in time to honor my mama Gloria, who’s taught me to kick butt and take names in all aspects of my life:

Find your inner warrior: “Life may get you down Mel, but it never has to get you out.”

Dealing with challenging humans: “Who she THINK she IS? She ain’t no betta than you.”

Maintaining better health: “Did you take a cod liver oil pill? I keep telling you to do this.”

Being aware of one’s surroundings: “Mel, secure your pocketbook, lock your doors!”

Perspectives on social media: “I think I may want to get on Spacebook.” (Um, it’s Facebook woman).

Mama, I honor you on the day you entered this world and celebrate your birthday with many who love and thank God for you. You are a jewel – a hilarious, sometimes crazy, but always brilliant one! Happy birthday to the woman who’s been a real-life greeting card in my life, showing me what womanhood, personal excellence, and #blackgirlmagic looked like before that hashtag even came to be.

I love you mama.

You are my #1 she-roe.

Always your girl,

Melody Latrice

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Sharpening 

My meltdown was epic. I fell to pieces. I lost control of my emotions. And I knew what I needed most was to share my anguish and pained heart with trusted women. I prayed they would give me new perspective wrapped in love and seasoned with hope.

Earlier that day I met with a good friend to catch up on what I thought would be some“sistergirl” time:  hang out, laugh about life and share how we were growing in our singleness. In sweet, beautiful giddiness, she shared the unexpected news that a handsome, God-fearing guy recently communicated his interest towards her. He wanted to pursue a relationship. His intentions were very clear.

I smiled with joy for her and expressed my happiness and excitement, but inside it felt like a grenade went off in my heart. She was on the cusp of something I deeply wanted for myself – intentional, affirming pursuit from a good man – but didn’t have. And it felt worse than bad.

Hence, my epic meltdown. As I drove home, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt overwhelmed. I entered my living room, sat on my sofa and let the quiet fill my ears. Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

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Then I reached for my phone and sent an SOS text to women I trusted, sharing my ache in raw honesty.

Several replied back, encouraging me:

“I have been praying for you for almost every day for the last 2 weeks…I’m also looking expectantly for that someone in your life…May God speak to you in a special way today – He knows your most intimate thoughts and desires, He has not forgotten.”

“Your friend’s news is so hard to hear Melody…on one hand, you are and want to be excited for her. On the other, it underlines your own longings. I am glad you reached out for prayer.”

“The wait is hard, I remember it well and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but what helped get me through was remembering that I wanted to be married to the right person and not just married and that God’s timing is always better…”

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

This tribe of she-roes poured life into me when I was tangled in my questions of what was wrong with me and why wasn’t I being picked.

A set of words from one of them grabbed my attention in a powerful way:

“It is indeed tough at times. I know you are holding on to what is true and doesn’t always soothe the feelings…You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.”

The words came from my friend Kimberly Moore. We met in 2006 during a work event planning a national conference and would serve together over the next four years. She served as my supervisor and we became good friends through the process. She’s 18 years older than me and she’s become my sister, friend, mentor and confidant over the past decade.

We spoke by phone a couple of days following my text and she challenged me with a new set of words, beckoning me more into womanhood. She wanted me to see myself for the woman I was in that moment and the woman I needed to become.

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There were times in my twenties and early thirties where I felt God hid me away from the fast track of dating. I felt sheltered and unseen. I wasn’t dating because I felt God wasn’t giving me good opportunities to date. But Kimberly wanted to call me to action, to a place of no longer tucking myself away either. Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

Yes, trusting God’s timing for a good relationship was good. But putting all of the responsibility on him for that relationship was not good. This is my life and that includes my dating life as well.

She helped me see that perhaps I was hiding myself from eligible gentleman and didn’t even know it. She challenged me to be inviting, engaging, present and interesting when my path crossed the paths of single men who portrayed qualities I was looking for and wanted to connect with. She invited me to a new place in my adulthood where I needed to own my femininity and express the beauty it contained.

Her challenge of sharpening during my 32nd year laid the groundwork for some exciting, memorable and hilarious adventures into my dating life over the last five years. I’m not hidden anymore. I see myself more fully now and I’m wiser too. I’ve discovered my value doesn’t come from being in a relationship; it comes from knowing I’m significant and incredible before the relationship even appears. I’ve also embraced the gift of single living, loving the freedoms that come with it and stewarding this season well.

You need truth in remembering you are fearfully and wonderfully made…

God’s purposeful in revealing His plan for you and the man who fits perfectly for you…

May I offer some truth to enter your heart and preserve you for now? You are a treasure.

Kimberly’s words gave me life then and continue to do so now. Our sisterhood sharpens and deeply blesses me.

Guest blog post titled “Sisterhood of Sharpening” feature debut in the The Sisterhood Storytelling Series by The Beautiful Project, summer 2016. 

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Changes

I have friends that have families.
I have friends that have babies.
I have friends that have husbands.
I have friends that at times I don’t feel I have much in common with anymore.

Changes…hmm, they are hard to deal with.

I feel sometimes their lives are moving fast, too fast beyond mine.
I want to compare but you know who always loses out when you do that: YOU.
I want to catch up, but that is hard to do without a husband and babies of my own.

I feel left out. And yet, I also feel very comfortable and secure in where my life is right now.

Secure in this chapter of my singleness.
Secure in my freedom.
Secure in my choices.
Secure in my time.
Secure in my space.
Secure in my creativity.
Secure in my spontaneity.
Secure in my responsibilities.
Secure in my peace.
Secure in my hope.
Secure in my passions.
Secure in being secure that when the time is right the next chapter in my life will begin.

But right now, I ain’t in the season some of my friends are in.

And that season is a hard one for them at times.

I see them from a distance.
I see the joy, but also the sacrifice, the smiles, but also the fatigue.
The putting others first before yourself, the tension of capacity versus assignment.
The wearied eyes, and sleepless nights, the nursing, the poo-poo diapers, the home cooked meals, the Mt. Kilimanjaro peaks of laundry piles, the coupon-clipping, the hot dog boiling, the string-cheese buying, the Cheerio snack cups, the family vans, the sippy cups, children’s movies, the intentional discipling of little hearts, the purposeful lovemaking, the availability for the searching and longing arms and hands and bodies of husbands that need you, the search for quiet space to have personal God-moments, sweet devotionals, five minute solitude in a world of busyness and needs and wants and pulls all from you toward others that require your presence and action in their lives.

I realize their season is a calling and it is timely and God knows when one is ready for such a commitment, such a sacrifice, such a role of a lifetime.

I think about the fact that I can’t share in their season of life with a similar season of life in my own world right now. A little twinge of envy rises up on occasion. It feels limiting to to not have a shared experience with them.

But my heart warms when I think of the single sisters I’m blessed to journey with now in this season. A season that can be challenging to navigate but also beautiful to explore. I see the sparkle in our eyes as we sway our hips at concerts and the glitter of our Black Girl Magic dust shines brightly. I see our successes, but also the questions, the freedoms, but also the aches. The wondering if you’ve really got it all together that good, are you the woman you want to be in this decade, this moment, the exasperation of thinking where are the qualified men really at while you keep on deflecting the busters and the not-so-readys. I see our desire to use wisdom and make the best financial decisions as we fly solo, the lip gloss and eye shadow girl nights out, Nine West heels, and way fly pencil skirts, day trips and weekend getaways, cooking our meals, flexing our yoga poses, building our brands, running our miles, getting our dry cleaning, making our art, singing our songs, sewing our dresses, protecting our bodies, owning our time, setting our goals to fully engage in the whoness of us. Single don’t mean lonely. It just means solo.

Changes can be good, even though they are hard.

Solo can be good, even if it feels scary.
That’s what makes the adventure really come alive.

Written by Melody L. Copenny
© April 28, 2011, September 10, 2016