Tag: living

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Floss The Teeth You Want To Keep

You schedule a dentist appointment. Then the days wind down to that either dreadful or anticipated day, depending on how you view dental visits. I like to put in extra effort on my teeth the morning I head to the dentist. As if my extra brushing and flossing is going to take away all the dark chocolate I ate months prior.

What hilarity.

When I was younger, a dental hygienist told me, “floss the teeth you want to keep” and showed me how to properly floss my teeth and go under my gums. Her words stuck with me. They make me think about the intention that’s needed to keep healthy things in our lives moving at a constant pace.

What if I applied the same set of words to my writing, running, and relationships?

Write the words you want to keep.

Run the miles you want to keep.

Invest in the relationships you need to keep.

FlossI think the “need” in relationships challenges me. It’s easy for me to be intentional about the relationships I want. The ones I need are a little different. I don’t always see my need for them, likely because I don’t want them. Especially if the work it takes to do them is hard. And relationships are just hard sometimes.

Relationships are these glorious personal mirrors God uses to show me who I am. Sometimes I love these mirrors. What I see blesses me in the life and connection I experience with people who want to know me.

Other times I don’t want to look at the mirrors. They show my disappointments in people. They show me “me.” I don’t want to look at the hard and the difficult when relationships don’t work out. When they stall out. Even when they die.

But the mirrors are good and they are necessary. I need to see myself, what I bring to situations that’s good and what I bring that ain’t so good. And I need to be willing to let go of stuff that won’t help me invest well in the relationships I want and the relationships I need to keep.

How do you need to “floss” in your life this week?

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Finding Me Truth #8: You Need A Pillow

Sometimes the best thing may seem like the least productive thing.

Humans tend to think if we’re not doing something, changing something, being a catalyst for something, then we are not productive, not useful and are ineffective.

A friend told me he heard someone say, “The most spiritual thing people can do sometimes is take a nap. Resting shows your trust in God and not in what you can do.”

I think those words are stellar.

People need pillows. People need rest. People need naps. 

Rest brings recharge for the body. Your mind gets some peace while your body renews itself and cells get regenerated and such. Sleep and rest are a good thing for finite human beings in rechargeable body vehicles. I’m sorry, I just think it’s funny to say “rechargeable body vehicles.”

Anyhoos, rest yourself today. God neither sleeps nor slumbers. Well, he kinda doesn’t need to…he is God. But he does model rest for us. After he made the world in six days, he took the seventh day off and rested. He rested. If he does it, then I for sure know that I need to do it and I haven’t even made a planet or an animal like a kangaroo like he has.

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5K and Ludivine

Runner = Melody. An equation I never saw coming.

After childhood, I ran only if somebody was chasing me. Running on purpose and because I liked it was not me.

But something happened in 2014. I intersected with Black Girls Run!, a national movement of women who meet weekly in different cities for exercise and community.

I discovered new sisters who trained with me, ran races alongside me, and cheered my every step and mile. There were women who’d lost nearly 100 lbs because they started walking and running with Black Girls Run! (BGR).

My first meetup in August was encouraging. I learned more about BGR Orlando as I walked through Jay Blanchard Park with my friend Jessica (who encouraged me to join) and ladies in the Eastside group. A week later, I joined the Eastside sisters for a run with BGR Melbourne. I did a three-mile walk and jog with new friend Beverly. It was the first time I’d ever done that kind of mileage.

But work and priorities soon hit keeping me busy and tired. For a year, I fell off the BGR wagon. September 2015 arrived and I decided, “Mel it’s time to get connected again.” I discovered a BGR meetup five minutes from my house, and life has never be the same.

From September to December 2015, I completed two virtual 5Ks, ran 83 miles, and walked 29. My speed improved as I moved into a 14 minute mile and sprinted 13 and 12 minute miles for short periods.

Hot ChocolateMelody became a runner. Melody is a runner. What the what!

January 24, 2016, in my hometown of Atlanta, I completed my first live race, the Hot Chocolate 5K/15K. It was 30 degrees and the course was hilly, but I beat my previous 5K time. I had one 12 to 13 minute mile, and  two miles under 30 minutes. I also finished under 45 minutes, a new personal record for me.

This also was a huge milestone in life, PERIOD. Running changed me. It’s helped me see my determination and how much strength my soul contains. You have to be determined and strong, and maybe a little bit crazy to run outside ON PURPOSE in 30 degree weather.

#mlcwritesday25

A few days after the race, I read a hilarious article about a dog named Ludivine who accidentally ran a half marathon and came in seventh place. Ludivine inspired me to make plans for my first half marathon this year. I told Jessica and the following text conversation ensued:

Mel: “That dog ran a whole 13 miles and came in 7th place. That’s freaking amazing.”

Jess: “He’s a dog though. They love running.”

Mel: “You should be excited that I am inspired.”

Jess: “Teresa encouraged you, I encouraged you. But nope, the dog inspired you.”

Mel: “For 13 miles (that dog ran). And by the way he is a she.”

Jess: “I’m glad you’re inspired though. All dogs look alike to me. Until she puts a pink bow in her hair she will be a he.”

Mel: “Her name is Ludivine. She’s southern. From Alabama.”

Jess: “Looooooooooool I’m done.”

Jessica can throw shade on Ludivine all she wants, but I’m proud of her! And I’m excited to see where my 5K, 10K and half marathon adventures take me this year. I’m confident with my BGR sisters we’re gonna stomp plenty of pavement.

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Grandmama Memories

My 11 year-old eyes stayed locked on her standing at the top of the porch of her Eatonton home in the Georgia country, as my mom backed down the gravel driveway.

The car shifted gears, moving away as my grandma Lena and me waved and blew kisses back and forth, saying and smiling goodbyes until we both could no longer see each other.

This was something we always did when I left her, a special tradition between us.

Another memorable southern summer full of red clay roads, ice milk and Big Red chewing gum came to an end. It was time for fall, time for school, and time to say goodbye to Lena Mae, at least until the holidays came ’round and I could get back to her…

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Mamas & Aunties

When I’m wanting her to listen to me or give me something I want or have her stop telling me something I told her I already know, “mama” is what I call her. Mamas just have a flavor about them. When I’m laughing with her, laughing at her or giving her my perspectives on the world and just shooting the breeze, “momma” is how I see her. She’s the same lady that called me one day and asked, “Is your phone — that 229 number — still working?”

Me (curiously): “Um, yes.”

Momma: “We’ll, I’m just checking ‘cause it just rings and rings AND rings…”

Me: “That’s ‘cause I didn’t HEAR it so I could pick it up!”

Momma: “Oh, okay, well I’m just checking.”

She is a verified hot mess. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My mom is one of my best friends. She gets me and I get her. I learned from her early on how to carry myself with grace, poise, intention and also enjoy life with plenty of humor and tons of wit. She is one of the wittiest people I know! She is the Queen of Wit. Man, she is sharp and brilliant and loving and so wonderfully amazing. She’s been a great mom to me.

Not everyone can raise a daughter as a single parent with God’s guidance the way she has with me. Every accomplishment, success, endeavor and privilege I’ve been afforded took place from the lift she gave me to climb upon steps she laid in advance for me. She sacrificed her needs to make sure I had mine met.

My mom was one of the first two African American civilian employees to integrate the City of Atlanta’s Vehicles for Hire division in the 1970s. She’s an Advanced Toastmaster and can lay it down with her oratory and sharp communication skills.

She’s served as the president of her homeowner’s association for several years and leads with style as an usher at her church. Oh, and the woman can bust a baaaad Michael Jackson moonwalk-ish routine when Thriller comes on. I have the video evidence to prove it. Incriminating? Maybe. Hilarious and will I plan to keep it to show my kids one day? Absolutely.

As I get older I’m thinking not just about the family I desire to build in my life but also the ways I plan to care for her and bless her as she gets older. When one of my books come out and it’s best selling and good things begin to happen, I can’t wait to give back to her plus so much more all that she’s blessed me with through her love and sacrifices. I am the woman I am today and in all the days that will come because of my mama.

We have a regular time to connect each week and chat about life, usually Sunday evenings. I missed last week and was trying to find a time this week to talk. She was picking Friday and Saturday night and I was like, “Mama, I am young and single. My evenings are busy…I’m am not sitting around with nothing to do.”

Her reply: “Well alright then Mel (in a slightly little huffy voice)! When do you want to talk???”

Me: “In the morning!”

We both are a mess.

I don’t know when I knew to call her auntie but I was young enough to know that’s who she was and who I needed her to be. My mama’s younger sister. The woman whose birthday is just two weeks ahead of mine. The breast cancer survivor. The one who shares a similar gentleness and heart on her sleeve as I do for the world around us. The lady who wants people to know about Jesus and uses opportunities to keep telling the world about him.

The lady who has the same eyes and smile as my mom. The one whose kitchen cabinets I would crawl in when I was very little and play in after I’d go around, ask for and get the fuzzy fuzz lint balls in my Uncle Randy’s pockets. The woman I respect as my aunt but love as my “Auntie.” Aunties just have a swag about them.

She’s the same lady that told me once, “All these men who are downloading…this is just horrible Melody, downloading and all this stuff.”

I believe she meant to describe men who were on the “down low” hiding their bi-sexuality from the women they were sleeping with. But I knew what she meant and I was not going to say anything different.

Mamas & Aunties. They are some kind of amazing.

Originally written August 30, 2013.