"Losing. Grieving. Mourning. Loving. Living."
My journey with grief, a recent lesson: Sometimes it’s a grief for a different season, a future season that we carry. A grief of “when that happens in the future, then I will grieve this more deeply.”
Sometimes it’s a grief that we carry in this moment. A grief that abides. Deeply. Now. Ever-present. A grief that sticks and clings, like honey on your fingers after you close the pouring lid.
And that kind of grief is okay too.
Featured Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash.
What if the journeys that we need to find are the ones that bring us back to ourselves in the most possible realest way?
These words rose up in my mind today and gracefully laid themselves down on my shoulders. Words to consider and to enjoy. I’ve been on quite a few journeys over the past two years. Some brought me great joy and some ushered me into pain that I hadn’t ever experienced before in my life.
Through the joy and the pain, I chose to GROW.
I leaned in and I lived intentionally. Through the brilliant and soulfully rich moments and through the tear-stained ones that I knew by faith would not always last.
I leaned in and those journeys were ones that have uniquely brought me back to myself in the most possible realest way.
Sometimes I find that my body and my soul have a reckoning with each other. It’s like they both sit down and say to each other, “We have LIVED A LOT and this living stretched us and we’re older and different, but we’re also so much better because of it.”
That’s how I feel right now — that the living I’ve done, the places I’ve traveled, the people I’ve loved and some I needed to let go of — all of it brought me back to myself. Changed me. Caused me to reflect on who I am and the woman I want to become in the next two years and what will I do now to set that woman up well?
As I think about this question I also think about my story, the one God is writing for me and that I’m co-writing with Him.
I love a good story. Being a storyteller and writer, I come by it easy. Some of my favorite movies are favorites because of the story. Whether I’m taking a stroll with Holly Golightly down 5th Avenue as dawn breaks in Breakfast At Tiffany’s or accompanying Drew Baylor on his artful soundtrack laced road trip across America following his father’s death in Elizabethtown, story catches my heart and it holds onto me.
Stories are journeys that we all are a part of. They teach us lessons about ourselves and other people that sometimes we need to learn and sometimes we’re blessed to stumble into and uncover the gems hidden in the experiences.
In the movie Elizabethtown, the character Claire is one such gem. She consistently speaks truth to Drew that’s just right for the moment and I also feel is just right for those of us peeking into this story that dances with grief, sits with the questions that billow after an epic professional failure, and hits the nostalgia, stress, and belonging that come as a packaged deal with returning to your family roots.
Here are three of my favorite truths Claire tells Drew:
Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.
We are intrepid. We carry on.
To have never taken a solitary road trip across country? I mean everybody’s got to take a road trip, at least once in their lives. Just you and some music.
Take some time this weekend and watch Elizabethtown yourself. Maybe you’ll come away with some gems from this story that help you see your own journey through a much clearer light.