seasons – Finding Melodie

Lissen: evidence that healing is taking place in your life is when you can see old messages from past loves and birthday cards written from former friends and smile. Genuinely smile at those words and remember those times and receive those words for what they were then even though the relationship ended or the friendship came to a close.

So much about life is seasonal. Why would our human connections be exempt from seasons too?

As a gardener, I experience the power of seasons in tangible ways because of what I plant, cultivate, and harvest. Some things grow year-round and continue growing. I have a rosemary Hercules bush that started out as a baby plant more than three years ago. It continues to GROW, year-round, pushing past all the elements of the seasons central Florida throws its way…hot, arm-pits-of-Hades summers and some unexpected, frost touching cold winters. It goes with these seasons and it keeps GROWING. It anchors its roots in deep and it lives and thrives in season with me.

Other plants grow for three to four months, bear their fruit and produce (or not cause plants be finicky sometimes too if they don’t have what they need even though you try to support them) and then they give up the ghost and that season is over. My watermelons and tomatoes be like this sometimes.

Seasonal. When it’s good, it’s so good. And when the season is up, it’s done.
It took me a while before I understood in my later 30s the cycles of seasons and what they actually are when it comes to people. Some are destined to journey with me through decades because God designed our journeys this way.

And some will only intersect with me for a season. That season could be three years or it could be three months. Even if I wanted them to be with me longer. I was given…a season. And then…change opened a new door. Hmmm, well now. Perspective is everything.

And…letting go of someone, be it a relationship romantically or a friendship that has run it’s course, sometimes means going forward so you can become who you need to be. Seasons show me this.

I have friends that have families.
I have friends that have babies.
I have friends that have husbands.
I have friends that at times I don’t feel I have much in common with anymore.

Changes…hmm, they are hard to deal with.

I feel sometimes their lives are moving fast, too fast beyond mine.
I want to compare but you know who always loses out when you do that: YOU.
I want to catch up, but that is hard to do without a husband and babies of my own.

I feel left out. And yet, I also feel very comfortable and secure in where my life is right now.

Secure in this chapter of my singleness.
Secure in my freedom.
Secure in my choices.
Secure in my time.
Secure in my space.
Secure in my creativity.
Secure in my spontaneity.
Secure in my responsibilities.
Secure in my peace.
Secure in my hope.
Secure in my passions.
Secure in being secure that when the time is right the next chapter in my life will begin.

But right now, I ain’t in the season some of my friends are in.

And that season is a hard one for them at times.

I see them from a distance.
I see the joy, but also the sacrifice, the smiles, but also the fatigue.
The putting others first before yourself, the tension of capacity versus assignment.
The wearied eyes, and sleepless nights, the nursing, the poo-poo diapers, the home cooked meals, the Mt. Kilimanjaro peaks of laundry piles, the coupon-clipping, the hot dog boiling, the string-cheese buying, the Cheerio snack cups, the family vans, the sippy cups, children’s movies, the intentional discipling of little hearts, the purposeful lovemaking, the availability for the searching and longing arms and hands and bodies of husbands that need you, the search for quiet space to have personal God-moments, sweet devotionals, five minute solitude in a world of busyness and needs and wants and pulls all from you toward others that require your presence and action in their lives.

I realize their season is a calling and it is timely and God knows when one is ready for such a commitment, such a sacrifice, such a role of a lifetime.

I think about the fact that I can’t share in their season of life with a similar season of life in my own world right now. A little twinge of envy rises up on occasion. It feels limiting to to not have a shared experience with them.

But my heart warms when I think of the single sisters I’m blessed to journey with now in this season. A season that can be challenging to navigate but also beautiful to explore. I see the sparkle in our eyes as we sway our hips at concerts and the glitter of our Black Girl Magic dust shines brightly. I see our successes, but also the questions, the freedoms, but also the aches. The wondering if you’ve really got it all together that good, are you the woman you want to be in this decade, this moment, the exasperation of thinking where are the qualified men really at while you keep on deflecting the busters and the not-so-readys. I see our desire to use wisdom and make the best financial decisions as we fly solo, the lip gloss and eye shadow girl nights out, Nine West heels, and way fly pencil skirts, day trips and weekend getaways, cooking our meals, flexing our yoga poses, building our brands, running our miles, getting our dry cleaning, making our art, singing our songs, sewing our dresses, protecting our bodies, owning our time, setting our goals to fully engage in the whoness of us. Single don’t mean lonely. It just means solo.

Changes can be good, even though they are hard.

Solo can be good, even if it feels scary.
That’s what makes the adventure really come alive.

Written by Melody L. Copenny
© April 28, 2011, September 10, 2016